I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
