you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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