Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
