if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
