the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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