I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
