omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
