i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
