Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
