some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
