where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
