seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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