I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
