Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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