Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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