I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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