I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
