I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
