Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
