He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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