I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
