why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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