he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
