I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
