is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
