You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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