well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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