I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
