We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
