The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
