There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
