my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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