True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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