Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
