Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
