he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
