you would pick up someone in the library
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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