Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
