Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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