I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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