Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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