I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
