The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
