The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
