I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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