you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
