I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
