So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
