My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
people are starting to question the shark bite story
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
