I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Blood and glitter go together right?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
