she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
